Everything's Sugar and Spice

I keep up a smile, and show no hindrance of what is to come.

The past year or more, I have had a gut feeling, that things were going to change.  It is not a good thing or maybe it is? I had hoped that things would be going my way.  I just need to take the punches.  I have feared that I will not be able to pay my bills and end up on the street.  I guess things are headed exactly there.  I have sought out a different job and have only two different interviews, however, no call backs.  I close my eyes and pray that something will come along, soon.  It's only a matter of days before I will be out of work.  Over the summer, I put in for many different jobs, and the closer to Winter came the more I have dreaded the outcome.

Many people don't understand what I'm feeling or even know, they just see the smile I project.  Deep down, I'm screaming from the top of my lungs, "HELP ME!"  I know they can't  hear from the smile.

I watch as homeless people wander the streets of Fort Collins.  I know they are everywhere, but this hits closer to home.  Judy and her boyfriend are now back on the streets.  She had a job, but I don't know what's come of it.  I see them, huddled together under one blanket; dreading the coming of snow.  I have heard, those who are homeless, try to hang out at businesses to keep warm.  Joe's Coffee Shop is one such business.  While others try to keep warm in their cars, unless they don't have one.  One guy says he drinks too much, because there really is nothing left.  Just his blanket and the occasional dime that hinders his hand.

I read in the paper about the 18,000 people who are losing their jobs at Hostess.  I really don't understand why everyone was picketing.  Its hard to find a job, and even harder to be gainfully employed by a reputable business.  Then I read about how the CEO's were taking the money for themselves and cutting the wages of the employees.  If someone loves a product they should protect the essence of the company and the product.  It seems the machines take for themselves and leave the rest to squander in the muck caused by everyday greed.

I dread the next coming days.  I know I am going to be searching for my next home.  Usually, my home is my job, but I don't think I will have a home soon.  I get on my knees and pray, "God send me something."  Then I get an email from a job I applied, "Sorry, we are looking for someone a bit more closely related to the position."  I look down and want to cry.  The position was for a dishwasher at Chili's.  I don't think you need a degree to wash dishes.  Or maybe you do?  I have washed dishes before, it's really not hard.  I think about it, maybe it's the whole idea of applying for jobs by computer.  The people who do the hiring can just dismiss your application without even looking at it.  They can just tell the computer, I want someone whose age is under thirty for this position.  Or maybe they are seeking a person of a certain background.  I really don't know what they are seeking, but I feel like I'm discriminated against.  At the end of every application they ask what color are  you and if you are under 40. 

Two years ago, my mother, who is in in 60's at the time lost her job, due to the company wanting to hire people out of the half way house.  The people were inmates and they worked for minimum wage and worked all the time.  The reason they wanted to work all the time was to not be in the jail.  She has never found another job.  She went to the McDonald's to put in her application, when she asked for the app, the crew worker looked back at the manager and asked for an application and he shook his head, No!.  Again, was it her age?  Probably.

I thought the law states it is illegal to discriminate.  However, the computer discriminates  because the hiring process is not about the person or who can do a good job, it's about a certain type of quota the business is trying to balance. 

I'm working on filling out applications, however, soon I will just be another lost statistic.